Fred Langa's "Just for Grins"
Reader Ian Sharpe sends this along. (And please: It's just a joke, OK? No
offense meant to anyone.)
Links to other diverting sites:
IT Devil's Dictionary from Phil of Isham Research.
We reveal the hidden settings in popular software!
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,343 - 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the
light bulb has been changed;
Originally seen in TTN-Online -- September 1999 Issue
Things likely to be overheard if you have a Klingon for a programmer:
"Specifications are for the weak and timid!"
"This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium III 500 MHz processors if I am to do battle with this code!"
"You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you read it in the original Klingon"
"Indentation! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!"
"What is this talk of "release"? Klingons do not make software "releases". Our software "escapes" leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake."
"Klingon function calls do not have "parameters" -- they have "arguments" and they ALWAYS WIN THEM."
"Debugging? Klingons do not debug! Our software does not coddle the weak."
"I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again."
"A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!"
"By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!"
"You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!"
"Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!"
If you enjoy Trekkie humour, take a look at this speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like: http://www.geocities.com/connorbd/varaq/
... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions
... you bought your partner a new CD-ROM as a birthday present.
... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
... you know what http:// stands for.
... your laptop computer costs more than your car...
... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
... no one has the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
... you've already calculated how much you make per second.
...you reformat e-mail
*When asked to comment, two engineers replied the following:
-I don't get the joke. I'm an engineer. All this looks perfectly reasonable to me!! And, yes I do re-format email!!
-Why are you asking me ... I'm insulted that you would waste 120 seconds of my time especially at the rate I get paid per second ...